BDSM Lite

I was thinking today that the concept of ‘sceneing’ is somewhat foreign to me. Nothing we do is ever scripted out or planned to the degree necessary to be considered a scene (at least that I know of). It makes me wonder again – because even though I feel like we are doing what is right for us - if we would even fit in with the general BDSM community.

Things are so sporadic for us - for example, this morning when we woke up we had some ‘nice’ tit torture followed by some manual/oral relief for him…. and a little something for me. The whole thing was completely unplanned and lasted about 40 minutes. Then we went grocery shopping so I could start the cooking for the week. When I was done cooking he brought me upstairs, duct taped me (one of the offspring was home) cropped me soundly and screwed my cunt sore. Again it was completely unplanned and only about 30 minutes in duration. Now we are watching TV and while I am pretty sure there will be another round before bed tonight I don’t think he is giving what we will do a second of thought.

So what’s the deal? Is this BDSM lite? My left breast is killing me and my thighs are on fire – this works for us – does it matter that we do not have hours long sessions with elaborate set ups? Even HE defers to the idea that individuals who participate in the community or own commercially made apparatus are somehow better at living the life than we are.

But how is that so? Granted that we have had prolonged periods of vanilla over the course of our twenty odd year relationship but I have always been submissive and he has always called the shots. Fact remains he has been tying me up and beating my ass, and sticking his dick wherever he likes, whenever he likes for twenty two years and I would STILL have performance anxiety in a public venue because I am scared that people are just too judgmental out there.

Still I find myself wanting more then ever to be around individuals who are like minded. I can not relate to the negative way that some people I am in contact with respond to their mates and I am eager to be around others who believe in treating their men with respect. I live in an area where this should not be an issue. I know that there are public venues and private parties in my immediate area. I know how to contact people and where the munches are and I still can not do it. I am filled with fear of not fitting in – of not being accepted. Maybe we are too soft.