Why Now

I imagine that at some time in the not to distant future the question of 'why now' will come up in my house. You see I actually have not directly addressed the issue of this blog with my man. I have a book I write in, a journal of sorts, dedicated to things related to our relationship and he reads it sporadically and I did e-mail him even though we were in the same room but I have not directly asked about blogging. I know the question will be why I feel the sudden need to express myself about the manner in which we conduct our relationship.

Over the past twenty odd years that he and I have been together we have lived very much embracing traditional gender roles. I was responsible for maintaining the hearth and home while he went in search of the fatted calf. There was a definite division of labor and it was understood that my purpose was to make his life as nice as possible in any way possible. It worked. The house was clean, the offspring were well cared for, our bellys were full and the sex was frequent and kinky. Girlfriends, his and ours, came and went but the base always remained.

Life trudged on - the offspring got older and I recently completed my education and returned to work, but I found myself earlier this year with an inexplicable amount of time to fill and nothing but a computer and books. Enter the blogs.

You are all probably well aware how addicting the damned things are.

Anyhow - I think the blogs have caused a fair amount of insecurity for me. I read how things are for others and I can relate, or I want more, or I wonder if we are doing something wrong. I ponder and analyse and I am making my self crazy. But having no kinky support I can not exactly talk to anyone about anything I feel besides my man and frankly if I were him I would be fed up by now. So here I am in need of support.