Rode hard and put away wet.

Thank God! I needed that last night. Now we are on our way on a little road trip. He says I am going to be wearing the egg all day – I think I would prefer the sting of the nipple clips a little more than the hum of elusive orgasms – but as I have said before it is not really my decision to make.

Yesterday during our afternoon commute we were discussing the poly situation. I had read somewhere (collarme – slave register – literotica – some message board) a comment stating that couples looking to add an additional sub should be aware that it is not really an attractive proposition for a third to come into a relationship as a beta. I had been mulling this for a few days because I can kind of see the point but at the same time I was curious what His take on the subject would be.

The fact of the matter is that even though we are the primary relationship – and our relationship will remain of paramount importance in all that we do – in the lifestyle I would be more the beta than His girl. The fact is that the addition of the third is, in part, to degrade me. He wants to watch me eat his cum out of her. He wants me to be a non participant while they enjoy each others company. He wants me tied in the corner, unable to move or masturbate while they lick and suck and fuck. He has even forewarned me that He will allow her to beat me when the time comes. At first I thought this was an idle threat. I did not really believe He would allow it knowing how opposed I am to being beaten by a woman. However from the tone of recent conversations it seems more like a plan then a threat.

I find this ridiculously sexy. I have in the past served Him while He was with another. Charged with making sure she was prepared for Him I had the pleasure of servicing one of the finest pussies I had ever encountered. I am eager to regain my position in service to Him while He pleasures another. I want to be the one abused by their whim.

*Unable to sleep at three am my fingers found their way to my pussy. Rationalizing that the stress relief would help me sleep and it was silly to wake Him for permission I began drawing out what promised to be a shattering orgasm. As I neared the first He stirred, rolled over and inquired about what was wrong. I told Him I couldn’t sleep – but did not confess. Is not the denial of an orgasm so close punishment enough?

Infraction three – no confession. I am on the road to something awful.

Picture...

So I added a picture - but I am not really sure how I feel about having my ass out there - As you can see I am a bigger girl and though generally happy with how my body performs I am bashful about how others will react to it.

He chose which one to post - which in itself is odd since He doesn't show any actual interest in ever reading what I have wrote. Which also seems odd to me - I think if I knew someone was writing about me I would be compelled to read what they had wrote.

Incidentally I am really horny - right next to Him on the couch - accessible...

He is busy looking for someone else...

His girl is still in the picture - just really busy right now taking care of some work related things - I fear I might actually miss her more than He does. But I guess that is a topic for another day.

I'm sad

I am feeling surprisingly down today and I do not really know what it is all about. Oddly nothing has been really different. Life goes on. There has been some nonsense lately but even that has just been the normal stuff of life. Illness, school, teenagers, money issues - they all happen. So why am I so sad?

I was relieved when I got through January without a breakdown – now here I sit in the last days of February – with the end in sight – sitting at work with tears welling up in my eyes. I finally left my room and all the crazies that congregate there before classes start and went across the hall to sit in the corner of my co-workers room.

Ironically, we are not even friends. We have nothing to say. Here we sit – her working – me hand writing a blog entry I will type into my computer when I get out of here. In silence.

He noticed that I was quiet driving in today. He thinks that I know why I am sad and that I just do not want to say - but truly I don’t. I worry because it came on after a rather normal morning round for us. He, of course, is partial to morning sex – I not so much -b though I long ago gave up any say in the matter – and honestly being the greedy slut that I am I am not one to turn down an orgasm no matter what the time of day. But as I was saying there really wasn’t anything different about the manner in which we found each other this morning.

As usual he told me to get started- get wet for him – then to get him hard – suck it bitch – He wanted me on my side this morning – to keep working my pussy – to get wetter – he tugged and twisted my nipples – but I wasn’t there and I couldn’t get there.

Finally he told me to get on my knees so he could dump his cum in me. Usually at the end I get one of three commands – or some combination of the three. Go clean up – don’t you dare clean up - or clean me up. This morning - nothing – he pulled out, wiped himself on my ass and started getting ready to leave.

I know he is disappointed in me but I don’t know how to fix something when I do not know what is wrong with me. I don’t even want to try to talk this out because I do not want him to think I am complaining – or that I am unhappy with the sex. I love the sex and I love his control of my life.

I hope I can get back to my self before I pick him up this afternoon.

It has been a while...

I realized yesterday that it had been a while since my last straight up regular otk spanking. I have had plenty of crop, duct tape, nipple clamps, pinching, pulling, twisting and some belt – but no spanking….

So in true crack head fashion what do I do? I sit here and casually say to him… ‘you know it has been a while since I was spanked…’

Yeah.

Not more than an hour later where do I find myself but over his knee. Great. I missed this? Of course he doesn’t use his hand but his trusty leather slapper. Lovely. My ass looks like a gibbons.

Deliberate Bratting

I have heard plenty of commentary about what happens when the submissive suddenly decides they no longer wish to submit or what is wrong when the masochist no longer enjoys the pain but what is the deal when the dominant no longer wants to use their slut?

Honestly I am a little frustrated. I need to be used so badly but I feel like everything is becoming so cursory. I am desperate to be patient. I know that my place is to bend to His will. I understand that it is His choice to use or not use me as He sees fit but truly I am to the point where I am starting to feel desperate.

I return to work tomorrow and I am totally down about it. I feel like it would be so much easier to contend with the stupidity that awaits me if I had a sore bottom or an abused cunt to remind me of my place in the world. Alas I do not think it is to be. He seems to be perfectly content to pass the time today with an assortment of movies. I have offered to service Him on a couple of occasions but He can not be bothered. I do not really want to be throwing myself at Him but I am needy.

I am not that girl who brats to get in trouble - though He did tell His girl that I am. I swear that I do not brat to deliberately get my ass whooped.

All the same – I am tempted.

Kaya's Getting to Know You Post....

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Perspective

I always feel like I have so much to say – then no words come. I want to be profound but I feel that anything I have to say on just about any topic is really only relevant to me and my life.

We have just returned from a quick trip to another state. We went in search of a new vacation destination – leaving our children and our real lives behind. It was wonderful. I bare the bruises of being duct taped and cropped and the glow of being well fucked. My tits are sore and my ass is on fire.

Returning home always leaves me at odds with my life – as fortunate as I am I still wish for more. I do not want to be consumed by the realities of life. I do not want to deal with bills and progress reports. I want to forget that I am anything other than his.

Post Script

I had begun writing this post last night then was sidetracked by domestic service. This morning I woke to find a friend had e-mailed to inform me of her impending double mastectomy, scheduled for the coming Monday. I feel like an ass for being so frivolous and consumed with my own petty desire when I should be thankful for the things I do have. I am really rich in life and I take it for granted.

10 Questions

How much of me are you willing to sacrifice to please her? If she wanted to hear it would you beat me? Make me beg, plead, scream or cry? If it brought you closer to her would you allow her to dictate what was done to me? Would you rip into my ass with your cock on her say so? Would you let her decide with what and where to hit me? If she urged you, would you hit me harder and bring me to tears for her?

Would I love it? Would my cunt gush at the hard use I suffer to accommodate the lust you have for another? Would I want more?

I crave the taste of her cum on your cock.