I'm sad

I am feeling surprisingly down today and I do not really know what it is all about. Oddly nothing has been really different. Life goes on. There has been some nonsense lately but even that has just been the normal stuff of life. Illness, school, teenagers, money issues - they all happen. So why am I so sad?

I was relieved when I got through January without a breakdown – now here I sit in the last days of February – with the end in sight – sitting at work with tears welling up in my eyes. I finally left my room and all the crazies that congregate there before classes start and went across the hall to sit in the corner of my co-workers room.

Ironically, we are not even friends. We have nothing to say. Here we sit – her working – me hand writing a blog entry I will type into my computer when I get out of here. In silence.

He noticed that I was quiet driving in today. He thinks that I know why I am sad and that I just do not want to say - but truly I don’t. I worry because it came on after a rather normal morning round for us. He, of course, is partial to morning sex – I not so much -b though I long ago gave up any say in the matter – and honestly being the greedy slut that I am I am not one to turn down an orgasm no matter what the time of day. But as I was saying there really wasn’t anything different about the manner in which we found each other this morning.

As usual he told me to get started- get wet for him – then to get him hard – suck it bitch – He wanted me on my side this morning – to keep working my pussy – to get wetter – he tugged and twisted my nipples – but I wasn’t there and I couldn’t get there.

Finally he told me to get on my knees so he could dump his cum in me. Usually at the end I get one of three commands – or some combination of the three. Go clean up – don’t you dare clean up - or clean me up. This morning - nothing – he pulled out, wiped himself on my ass and started getting ready to leave.

I know he is disappointed in me but I don’t know how to fix something when I do not know what is wrong with me. I don’t even want to try to talk this out because I do not want him to think I am complaining – or that I am unhappy with the sex. I love the sex and I love his control of my life.

I hope I can get back to my self before I pick him up this afternoon.