Yeah!

No cancer -

You know I had no reason to ever think there would be - but the doctors really play on your mind. They treat the whole thing with such urgency - rightfully so, I suppose, had it actually been cancer. So that, even knowing my history and having no real reason to suspect that the lump found was ccancerous your brain starts running toward the 'what if...'

I have to go Thursday to have the stitches out. I am not looking forward to that. The recovery has been surprisingly painful.

I wish that He were here to take care of me. When I got the call from my doctor I did not have anyone even to celebrate with. I had not really spoken to anyone about what was going on and my boys were already booked up with their friends.

Where He is He can not even call home - and I have no means to contact Him. So I had to wait for Him to call before I could even tell Him the news. Then He called and I had 4 minutes to tell Him everything that was going on here. That's it. 4 minutes.

I left a nasty email for Him telling Him that I did not think He should call again. Then a follow up explaining myself. I do not know when He will have a chance to check His email - it could be a few days from now so I am riding out the temptation to sign into His account and delete what I sent. I have not as of yet because even if He is hurt or angry I feel He should be aware of my feelings.

His Girl called His cell phone and left a message for Him but I did not listen to it. I emailed Her to let Her know that He is out of the country and asking if She was just saying Hi or She needed something but I have not heard back yet. Must say - I played with the idea of asking Her to spank me in His absence - but without His say so I am not sure either of us is willing to risk making that decision on our own.

I am having a rough time being completely independent. I'll stop my rambling now....

Post-Op

So I had that surgery yesterday and ya know – it was bad. I love it when people tell you something is no big deal only to find out it is. But it is done for now and I just have to wait for the lab reports. I see him for the post op next week so nothing to do between now and then but figure out how I am going to camouflage the obvious swelling and padding on one side of my chest so I can return to work without looking strange. They gave me vicodin for the pain but I can not really take it – I am really into being clear headed and vicodin makes me sleepy and fuzzy. I will give Tylenol a shot and see if that takes care of the pain.

On another note I realized the other day that by the time I get spanked next it is going to be something like 2 months in between. I mentioned it to Him and he was decidedly unapologetic. He did not want to spank me while I had a lump – I was seeing doctors and He felt it best to not send me off with bruises. Now I am recovering and as I discovered with my leg He will not touch me when I am in pain. Funny, really, if you think about it. He leaves in two days.

I am not okay with that. I was never thrilled with the idea of Him going away. I have not ever really been away from Him and I do not see any reason to be, even more so now waiting to find out if I have a larger medical concern. I wish He would not leave and even though it is incredibly selfish I want nothing more than for Him to cancel His trip and stay here with me.

It is not going to happen. He is going to go and I had better just buck up and get over it. I have a plan to throw myself whole heartedly into preparing for the little one’s high school graduation. I am going to focus on a different thing every day so that his graduation week runs perfectly smoothly. Let’s see how that goes….

Blah

I am having surgery to remove a lump in my breast next Monday. I am scared.