The Social Scene

He and I have never been in the scene so to speak. Even with twenty odd years under our belt of dominance and submission they have been private affairs shared only with like minded individuals who happened to be involved in relationships with us at the time. We have always been fiercely private – concerned with our social standing and cognizant of the ramifications to our boys should our lifestyle become a public matter. At the same time, those closest to us have inklings of the dynamics of our relationship - though the only one who has ever come right out and said anything directly is our youngest son. (“If you do that your going to get yourself spanked, mom.” -Of course he meant by his Father.) In addition, my sister has assured me that should anything ever happen she would back Him 100%; though it is rare that our play would have such dire consequences at this point in our lives.

Over the past year, however, my desire for more social interaction with those in the know has increased tremendously. Possibly stemming from my lack of support during the recuperation from my first surgery of the year back in August – I have unearthed a rabid desire to engage in the social scene. I discovered during that time that even though I had the support of many nilla friendships who were willing to do just about anything to help me through my incapacitation I had no one with which to discuss my deeper emotional issues.

I had gone from being His masochistic little fuck hole – to being cared for and catered to in an instant. Daily face fucking and ass torture was replaced by fruit salad and nilla nights watching movies on the couch. He probably only fucked me two or three times in two months. I discovered during this time, that as wonderful as my friends are, there really is no substitution for having a RL someone you can talk to when things are hairy in this type of a relationship. Who in my life, besides His girl, is going to understand my angst at not having my ass whipped or my back bloodied? (Incidentally – as understanding as some might think I am about His girl, I would NEVER admit to any discord in my relationship to her. Partially because I do not want her to think less of our connection, but mainly because I feel it would be disrespectful of Him to express my own concerns and dissatisfaction.)

Truth be told even now, eight months later, He has not returned to the level of use I enjoyed prior to my accident. Of course there has been, considering today, two additional surgeries during this time and almost weekly visits to different doctors so there has not been a ton of time to allow the marks to heal in between.

Point was – at the beginning of this post - that we *attempted* to go to a BDSM club this weekend. And failed.

But I have run out of time for this post – so I’ll tell you about it tomorrow….

She's Back

So His girl is back. In a big way. We had not heard much from her in the past couple of weeks - she has been adjusting to a new schedule and her life had just been hectic and tiring. I get that - She was actually really sweet when He was traveling and checked in on me a few times. Funny how even though He and I are married in addition to our dynamic - she is still above me.

They were supposed to get together last weekend and something happened - I never really asked because I figure if I was supposed to know He would tell me - but oh well....

But when she busted in on the scene this week I was not prepared. I love that He has her and that He gets to enjoy another slut - I LOVE that He uses it against me . But circumstances have not been kind to me lately and I am feeling ridiculously insecure so listening to Him recount their activities with such glee this week while leaving me untended had me feeling small and insignificant. Instead of soaking my panties with need it left me feeling like curling up in a ball and crying.

We went for a ride a few days ago and I told Him. It was surprisingly easy. I shy away from telling Him when I am needy - something about asking for care makes me feel like I am not sincerely serving - but He was okay and though He did not do anything to ease my mind immediately things are definitely ramping up.

The night after our conversation He trussed me up and laid into me with a few things. It is so hard to figure out sometimes because He is as likely to hit me with the handles of His tools as the actual business end. Its a killer really because a fair amount of metal comes into play and nothing is quite so unforgiving. During every session He gets at least two shots in on a particular part of my upper back to one side up above my shoulder blade - I am probably not describing it right - it is the most painful thing you can do to me - it kills - its like his money shot though - my reaction is so priceless it does Him in.

So on this particular night He decides he is going to rather unceremoniously shove it in my ass. Generally speaking I am a fan! However I find the day after I usually need to have easy access to the restroom and I knew that the next day my schedule was solid. I had back to back classes all day from 8:45 through dismissal and generally speaking it is frowned upon to run out on kindergartners so you can go tend your aching backside.

So here I am tied up like a Christmas goose and gagged, having (essentially) asked to be used and I start freaking out because I do not want to have problems at work the next day. I totally broke down. I'll give Him props though - He stopped and rubbed my back until I calmed down then went back to working my pussy. Thankfully He did not untie me. I do not think I could have handled it if He had stopped cold - I needed Him to finish. Of course He sent her the pictures...

Last night He took me over his knee for a little work with the belt. Hopefully tonight He will finish what He started the other night!

Regardless - there is only one more week of school - then I have a small surgical procedure (should only lay me up for a day or two) and I can get into my service full time for a couple of months without having to deal with my pesky job (though I really do love the little buggers).

Have a great weekend!