The Social Scene

He and I have never been in the scene so to speak. Even with twenty odd years under our belt of dominance and submission they have been private affairs shared only with like minded individuals who happened to be involved in relationships with us at the time. We have always been fiercely private – concerned with our social standing and cognizant of the ramifications to our boys should our lifestyle become a public matter. At the same time, those closest to us have inklings of the dynamics of our relationship - though the only one who has ever come right out and said anything directly is our youngest son. (“If you do that your going to get yourself spanked, mom.” -Of course he meant by his Father.) In addition, my sister has assured me that should anything ever happen she would back Him 100%; though it is rare that our play would have such dire consequences at this point in our lives.

Over the past year, however, my desire for more social interaction with those in the know has increased tremendously. Possibly stemming from my lack of support during the recuperation from my first surgery of the year back in August – I have unearthed a rabid desire to engage in the social scene. I discovered during that time that even though I had the support of many nilla friendships who were willing to do just about anything to help me through my incapacitation I had no one with which to discuss my deeper emotional issues.

I had gone from being His masochistic little fuck hole – to being cared for and catered to in an instant. Daily face fucking and ass torture was replaced by fruit salad and nilla nights watching movies on the couch. He probably only fucked me two or three times in two months. I discovered during this time, that as wonderful as my friends are, there really is no substitution for having a RL someone you can talk to when things are hairy in this type of a relationship. Who in my life, besides His girl, is going to understand my angst at not having my ass whipped or my back bloodied? (Incidentally – as understanding as some might think I am about His girl, I would NEVER admit to any discord in my relationship to her. Partially because I do not want her to think less of our connection, but mainly because I feel it would be disrespectful of Him to express my own concerns and dissatisfaction.)

Truth be told even now, eight months later, He has not returned to the level of use I enjoyed prior to my accident. Of course there has been, considering today, two additional surgeries during this time and almost weekly visits to different doctors so there has not been a ton of time to allow the marks to heal in between.

Point was – at the beginning of this post - that we *attempted* to go to a BDSM club this weekend. And failed.

But I have run out of time for this post – so I’ll tell you about it tomorrow….